It’s funny…
how like, three yearsish ago, I would have never imagined myself being where I am now in life and everything. And I know people say that all the time, but it just hit me. It’s seriously freaking me out. I’m going to be in college in less than 6 months. And if I have absolutely no motivation now to get work done, what makes me think I’ll have motivation to do it in 6 months? The fact that it’s college won’t change anything. I’m going to the fucking mount for chistsakes. Everyone that I hate is going to the mount. It’s going to be the same old shit, just in a different place. I have $5 in the bank. Still $200 in debt. I don’t have a car, I doubt my parents will be getting me one, even though they said they would. If I can’t even buy a goddamn car how the hell am I going to move out.
I can say things will be different once I’m 18, but I know they won’t. I’ll end up living at home for at least another year. I’ll get shit grades and dick around all day and get nothing accomplished, just like I do now, spend all my nights playing WoW and being a huge dork.
I’m going for graphic design. I’ve kidna realized this year that I’m really not that great in art. Sure, probably like the top 5 in my art classes, (not to be wicked arrogant or anything,) but I know once I get into college there are gonna be like so many people that are way better than me. And this isn’t just like a I think my work sucks just because it’s mine thing. It’s really not that good.
I just need to like get pumped up for this somehow. I need some motivation. And I have no idea where to find it… motivation comes to me in these little waves. I’ll wake up in the morning with this little voice inside my head saying, “Hey. We’re gonna get something done today.” And sometimes I listen to it, and sometimes I don’t. Either way, whatever motivation I had, wherever it came from, it’s gone that night, next morning at best.
And now I’m in web design, a class that will probably help me with these classes I’m taking next year, supposed to be making some gay animation in flash, (which I can’t stand, ) and I’m still dicking around.
Good job, Justine. Way to be useless.
